Want Change or Want to Change? The Real Work Starts Within Blog 95
Want real change? It starts with choosing to change yourself.
Introduction
Have you ever whispered, "I wish things were different," but deep down, you're not sure you're ready to make them different? This blog is a heart-to-heart about the quiet tug between dreaming of change and actually making a choice to change. It's for every mum (or soul) who feels stuck on the edge of growth, unsure how to leap. I wrote this not from a mountaintop, but from the messy, beautiful middle. Let's explore the real work, the kind that starts within and ripples outward. Because your transformation isn't just possible... it's powerful.
Want Change? Or Want to Change? (Yes, There's a Difference…)
Let's drop the mask for a second.
We say we want change, a calmer home, a stronger body, a more present mind.
But most of us secretly hope it arrives like a parcel from the universe, no signature required.
"Hey, Universe, I'll take inner peace and tighter abs, please… but hold the discomfort."
I feel you. I've been you, more than once.
And now that I'm studying holistic coaching, I can finally name it:
We often want the outcome of Change, but not the experience of changing.
Because changing means feeling things we've numbed and owning stories we've outgrown.
Letting go of identities like "busy", "selfless", or "the one who holds it all together."
But here's the truth you might not want to hear (but secretly need to):
The fundamental shift begins when you want to change yourself.
In one of my coaching modules, we learned that our subconscious mind runs the show 95% of the time.
So even if your conscious mind says, "Yes, I want to feel more joy!" your inner child might be whispering, "But we don't do joy… we do control."
Ugh. Yep. That hit me, too.
I realised I wasn't stuck because I was lazy or unmotivated.
I was stuck because I was trying to grow without disturbing anything.
Spoiler alert: Change disturbs things. It shakes old beliefs, outdated habits, and those comfy-but-suffocating autopilot loops.
A Quick Story...
When I started creating boundaries (you know, the ones you don't apologise for), my kids looked at me like, "Who are you and what have you done with our 'yes mum'?"
And I'll be honest, part of me panicked.
But another part, the wiser, grounded part, whispered:
"This is you becoming. Keep going."
5 Heart-Led Steps to Welcome Change Into Your Life
1. Pause with Presence
Breathe. Slow down. Let the noise soften. In this quiet moment, ask yourself gently:
"What part of me is craving change?"
Let the answer rise, not from pressure, but from truth. That's your starting point.
2. Be Tenderly Honest
What's been keeping you stuck? Be curious, not critical. It could be a habit, a fear, or simply the story you've been telling yourself. Hold it with compassion. Awareness is the first act of love.
3. Start Softly, Start Small
Forget the big leaps. Choose one gentle shift that feels doable this week. A walk outside. Saying no and going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Small doesn't mean insignificant; it means sustainable.
4. Embrace the Wobble
It might feel weird or uncomfortable at first. That's not failure, it’s the growing part. Discomfort is just your nervous system catching up with your soul's expansion. Keep going.
5. Honour Every Step
Progress isn't a finish line; it’s the quiet decision to keep showing up for yourself. Celebrate the tiny wins. You're becoming the woman your future self will be so proud of.
So, What's Happening Inside?
According to my studies, we're not just minds walking around. We're an ecosystem:
- Mind – looping thoughts, old stories, the inner critic on repeat
- Body – tight shoulders, that heavy chest feeling, the tension you ignore until it screams
- Emotions – those sneaky energy-in-motion moments you bottled up
- Spirit – your why, your longing, your compass
When one part is out of whack, the rest feels it.
No wonder we feel "off" when we're saying yes to things we hate, skipping meals, or ignoring our inner nudge to slow down.
Want Change? Align these parts first.
Want to change? Start small. Start with awareness. Start with one kind decision a day that says: "I matter too."
So here's your gentle nudge, love...
Change won't always feel good at first. But it will feel true.
It will feel like exhaling after holding your breath for way too long.
And even when it's awkward and wobbly and messy, it's yours.
The real shift begins when you want to change yourself.
Not perfectly. Just truthfully.
Let that be enough for today.
So... Why Does Change Feel So Hard?
Let's talk about that pit-in-the-stomach moment.
You decide to change something , to say no, go to bed earlier, stop over-committing and suddenly... everything in your body rebels.
You feel tired, cranky, and unsure.
You hear thoughts like,
"Who do you think you are?"
“You've tried this before and failed."
"You're being selfish."
That isn't failure.
That's your nervous system trying to protect you.
In my holistic coaching training, we call this the fight-or-flight trap.
Your brain doesn't actually care if your new habit will make you happier.
It cares that it's unfamiliar, and unfamiliar means unsafe.
Even if your current routine is exhausting, it's predictable. And predictability = comfort to your brain.
Which is why...
The real shift begins when you want to change yourself, not by force, but by working with your body, not against it.
That means starting small. Slower than you think. Kinder than you think.
Because self-compassion is the missing ingredient most people skip when they chase change.
Change is Not a To-Do List
You can't tick your way to transformation.
I've tried. Trust me.
I used to think that if I just created the perfect routine, journaled, meal-prepped, and got the kids to bed by 7, I'd finally feel whole.
But routines without emotional alignment are just chores in disguise.
Now I ask myself:
- What's the belief behind this habit?
- What's the emotion I'm avoiding?
- What does my body need right now?
This is what we practice in holistic coaching. We ask, feel, pause, then move forward from a place of clarity, not shame.
A Thought That Changed Me
One of my course mentors said:
"You can't create a new future if you keep rehearsing the old past."
That hit me straight in the chest.
How often do we replay our failures, fears, or "not enough-ness" like a playlist on loop?
We expect ourselves to act differently while feeding our minds the same story.
No wonder we sabotage.
No wonder we give up.
No wonder we're tired.
Change starts when we catch the story... challenge it... and change it.
Catch. Challenge. Change.
It's not just a technique. It's a lifeline.
Questions and Reflections
- Do I truly want change... or do I want things to feel easier without having to change myself?
(Pause. Breathe. Let your answer be real. No judgment, just truth.)
- What’s one belief, habit, or pattern I keep repeating that's keeping me stuck right now?
(Are you over giving? Saying yes when you mean no? Ignoring your own needs?)
- What is one gentle, doable step I can take this week to honour the version of me I'm becoming?
(Something small but sacred, like going to bed earlier, asking for help, or writing down your feelings.)
Quotes
Most people don’t really want to change; they want to have changed.”
Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic
“Saying you want something is one thing, but actually doing something about it is very different.”
Joshua Becker
“People don’t resist change. They resist losing who they are.”
Unknown
“Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.”
James Belasco and Ralph Stayer
Conclusion
Final Words, From Me to You
If this stirred something in you, if you found yourself nodding, tearing up, smiling (or all of the above) , I want you to know this:
You're not too late.
You haven't missed the moment.
You haven't “failed" just because change feels slow.
You are on the edge of something real.
And you don't need to become someone else to move forward.
You need to start choosing yourself, softly, consistently, courageously.
Because...
The real shift begins when you want to change yourself.
This is your invitation back home to the truest version of you. And I'm walking beside you every step of the way.
Connect with me:
Stay tuned! 📅
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With much Love
Mukti 💫
“Growth isn’t a burst of inspiration followed by instant transformation; it’s the daily grind… the messy, relentless work, even when every part of you wants to give up.” Scott Bond
Journal Prompt
✨ Your Gentle Invitation to Go Deeper
(Don't judge it. Just listen. That whisper matters.)
(It might sound like: "I have to do it all," or "I'm not the type of person who…")
(Even the tiniest step counts. Especially the tiny ones.)
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