You Don’t Have to Hold It All Together: Infertility, Hormones and Finding Support with Jess Doyle | Blog 116
You don’t have to hold it all together. Jess Doyle shares her experience with infertility, IVF and supporting women through overwhelm.
Introduction
Have you ever looked like you were coping on the outside while, inside, you were carrying more than anyone realised?
So many women continue showing up for their families, work and everyday responsibilities while quietly managing anxiety, overwhelm, hormonal challenges or an uncertain health journey.
I recently met Jess Doyle at the Becoming Retreat, and we are also part of the same mastermind. Jess is a mum of two boys and a women's health coach based in New Zealand. Her work has been deeply shaped by her own experience of infertility, pregnancy loss and multiple unsuccessful IVF attempts.
In this honest conversation, Jess shares what women may be carrying beneath the surface, why being told to "stay positive" isn't always helpful, and how we can start listening to ourselves again.
Whether you are navigating your own health challenges or feeling overwhelmed by everything you carry, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don't need to have everything figured out today.
When You’re Carrying More Than Anyone Can See: Wellbeing Practices and an Honest Conversation with Jess Doyle
1. Tell us about yourself. Jess shares a little about who you are outside your work as a personal coach?
Outside of work, I’m very much a family person. Life is busy, noisy and full, and I love the simple things: getting outside, walking, Pilates, nourishing food, mindful coffee moments, time with my family and creating a life that feels meaningful rather than perfect. I think that’s also a big part of why I connect so strongly with the women I work with. I’m not coaching from some place of having everything figured out. I’m human too, and I understand what it feels like to carry a lot while still trying to show up for everyone around you.
2. What led you to support women who are navigating infertility, IVF preparation, PCOS, endometriosis, anxiety and overwhelm?
A big part of it comes from my own experiences. My journey to motherhood wasn’t straightforward. I experienced infertility, pregnancy loss and multiple unsuccessful IVF attempts, so I know personally how consuming that journey can become.
Over time, I also became really interested in the bigger picture of health. Not just food or hormones in isolation, but how our stress, nervous system, mindset, beliefs, relationships with our bodies and the way we live our lives all interact.
That experience has shaped the way I coach. I want women to have a place where they can talk about the things that don’t always fit neatly into a medical appointment. A place to slow down, make sense of what they’re experiencing, learn about their health and feel supported as a whole person.
3. These women can carry an enormous mental and physical load that other people may not always see. What do you wish more people understood about what they may be going through?
I wish more people understood that just because someone looks like they are functioning, it doesn’t mean they aren’t carrying an enormous amount internally.
Infertility, IVF, chronic symptoms, hormonal challenges, anxiety and overwhelm can take up so much mental space. There can be appointments, decisions, waiting, researching, tracking, analysing symptoms, managing emotions and constantly wondering what happens next.
And then there’s the expectation to continue living normally while all of that is happening.
Sometimes what a woman needs most isn’t another piece of advice. She needs someone to acknowledge that this is hard, without making her feel like she should be coping better.
4. What are some of the common thoughts, fears or pressures you notice among the women you support?
There can be a lot of self-blame. What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t my body doing what it’s supposed to do? What if this doesn’t work? What if something is wrong with me?
There’s often pressured to do everything perfectly too: eat perfectly, exercise perfectly, manage stress perfectly, think positively, take all the right supplements and make all the right decisions.
And underneath that can be a huge fear of losing control.
I also see women who have become disconnected from their own needs because they’ve spent so much time caring for everyone else or trying to manage their health. They can become very focused on fixing themselves, when what they actually need is more understanding, self-trust and support.
5. Women are often told to “stay positive” during difficult or uncertain seasons. Why can that advice feel unhelpful, and what kind of support do they actually need?
When you’re going through something genuinely difficult, being told to “just stay positive” can unintentionally make you feel like there’s something wrong with you when you’re sad, angry, scared or exhausted.
I don’t believe women need to pretend everything is okay. They need space for the full range of emotions withoutbeing consumed by them.
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is acknowledge, This is really hard, and then gently ask, What do you need right now?
That might be practical support, education, emotional support, nervous-system tools, a different perspective or simply a safe place to be heard.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
Have you been trying to stay positive when what you really need is permission to admit it feels hard?
You do not need to fix it right now. Simply acknowledging how you truly feel can be a gentle place to begin.
6. How do hormones, anxiety and overwhelm affect a woman’s relationship with herself, her body and her everyday life?
They can affect so much more than how someone physically feels.
When you’re exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed or experiencing symptoms you don’t understand, it can change the way you see yourself. You can start questioning your body, your choices and even your ability to trust yourself.
Everyday things can become harder too. Food can become stressful. Exercise can feel like another obligation. Social situations can feel overwhelming. And when your mind is constantly thinking about your health, there can be very little mental space left for anything else.
Part of my role is helping women move away from feeling like their body is something they are constantly battling or trying to control, and towards understanding it with more curiosity and compassion.
7. As a mum of two, how has motherhood influenced the way you connect with and support the women you work with?
Motherhood has definitely changed me. It has given me a much deeper understanding of how easy it is to put yourself at the bottom of the list.
There’s also something about becoming a mum that makes you realise how much women can carry without anyone necessarily noticing. The mental load, the emotional load, the responsibility and the constant thinking about everyone else.
I think motherhood has made me more compassionate and less interested in perfection. I understand that sometimes the “ideal” health routine simply doesn’t fit into real life.
So rather than giving women another list of things they should be doing, I want to help them find approaches that actually work within their life.
8. When someone works with you, how do you help her feel understood and supported? What is different about your coaching approach and the resources you offer?
For me, the relationship comes first. I want women to feel safe, heard and understood rather than judged or told what they should be doing.
My approach brings together mental health and mindset coaching, metabolic nutrition, nervous-system support and practical lifestyle tools. We look at the whole picture rather than focusing on one symptom or one area of health.
I also provide practical resources between sessions, including trackers, reports, recipes and tools they can actually use in everyday life. Depending on the woman and what she needs, we might explore things like food beliefs, stress, emotional patterns, self-trust, mindset, movement, nervous-system regulation or creating sustainable habits.
Ultimately, I want coaching to feel like a deep exhale. A safe place to land, learn, ask questions and work out what comes next.
9. Something I Wish People Knew About Me...
Something I wish people knew about me is that a lot of what I do professionally has been shaped by my own lived experience.
I haven’t arrived at this work because I have a perfect life or because I’ve figured everything out. Quite the opposite. Some of the hardest seasons of my life have taught me the most about health, resilience, mindset, compassion and trusting yourself.
I also really believe that health should be about more than just ticking all the right boxes. It should allow you to actually live your life.
That’s ultimately what I want for the women I work with: not perfection, but more understanding, more self-trust, and the space to feel like themselves again.
10. What is one gentle first step you would suggest to a woman who feels overwhelmed, disconnected from herself or unsure where to begin?
Stop trying to solve everything at once.
When we’re overwhelmed, it’s very easy to create a huge list of everything that needs to change. Instead, I’d encourage her to pause and ask herself, What do I actually need right now?
It might be a proper meal. A walk outside. Ten quiet minutes. Saying no to something. Going to bed earlier. Writing down what’s taking up space in her head. Or simply giving herself permission to acknowledge that she’s struggling.
You don’t have to have the whole path figured out before you take the first step. Sometimes the first step is simply listening to yourself again.
CONNECT WITH Jess:
Website:
Instagram:
LinkedIn: Jess Doyle
Facebook: Jess.healthcoach
EXPLORE Jess’s Resources:
Three Gentle Reminders to Leave You With from this Blog with Jess, You Don’t Have to Hold It All Together:
1. Looking like you are coping does not mean you are not carrying a lot.
Someone can continue working, parenting and showing up for others while feeling overwhelmed internally. Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is listen without immediately offering advice.
2. Looking after your health should not become another thing you have to do perfectly.
There is no perfect way to eat, exercise, manage stress or move through a difficult season. Support should fit into your real life and help you feel more connected to yourself, not create more pressure.
3. You do not need to solve everything at once.
When life feels overwhelming, pause and ask, "What do I actually need right now?" One proper meal, a walk, ten quiet minutes or saying no to something may be enough for today.
A GENTLE ACTION FOR YOU
Try not to think about everything that needs to change. Choose one small thing that would support you today.
If Jess's words resonated with you, follow her on Instagram at @jess.healthcoach and explore her coaching and resources on her website. She is an amazing soul.
Final Thoughts
One thing that stayed with me from this conversation is how easily women can appear to be coping while carrying so much that no one else can see.
Jess reminds us that we don't need to approach our health, motherhood, or personal growth perfectly. We are allowed to acknowledge when something is hard, ask for support and take one small step at a time.
I also loved Jess's reminder that health should be about more than ticking all the right boxes. It should help us live our lives, trust ourselves and feel more like who we are.
Thank you, Jess, for sharing your story, knowledge and heart so openly with us.
My next blog will be published on 15 November. I'll share how the four words I chose for 2026 came alive throughout the year.
FRIDAY RITUAL INVITATION
Do you have 120 seconds for yourself each week?
I'd love you to join our beautiful Friday Ritual community.
Every Friday morning, I'll send you a gentle two-minute read to carry with you through the weekend. It may be the first opportunity you have had all week to pause and ask yourself:
How am I feeling today?
What do I need?
What might make today feel a little lighter or happier?
Sometimes, 120 seconds is all we need to reconnect with ourselves.
Live your life on purpose.
Until next time,
Mukti🤍
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